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It's About Forgiveness
Forgiveness. No way. How can I forgive that
creep who turned my world upside down causing vast rifts within my psyche
almost insurmountable to mend? Yes, I said almost insurmountable because
these rifts can be mended. When you have been traumatized and extensively
hurt, forgiveness is often your last priority. You may want that person to
experience the pain and humiliation you felt, and fantasize of the ways that
this could be accomplished. This unwillingness to forgive is irrational,
although predictable, and results in grieving the Holy Spirit. Although
you have been painfully stricken, the consequences of you not forgiving the
perpetrator will drain and strain you physically, mentally, emotionally, and
spiritually. Do you want this person to continue to have control over
you as you slowly destruct and they, most likely, move on with their lives
without a care in the world? I hope you answered with a thunderous--No. You
need to be liberated so that you can move on with your life rather than
getting mired in a state that will render you ineffective in helping
yourself or others to your full potential. That being said, forgiveness is a gift from God--
a gift of freedom. An
unwillingness to forgive delays the healing process, creates an additional
emotional burden, and acts as an obstacle to your spiritual development.
This reason alone is ample reason to adopt the spirit of forgiveness. Therefore,
make every effort to forgive the people who have distressed and
disturbed you, and dragged your beaten and bruised body over what felt
like chards of broken pottery that once housed your fully intact body and
spirit.
An unforgiving spirit is independent of God--prideful and unmerciful. Commonly, we adopt the role of judge thereby acting as God in situations
that only God is capable of discerning. You may struggle to discern why God
would allow this tragedy to happen to you. You may be under the false
impression that God used this tragedy as a form of punishment due to sin in
your life. This conclusion is not true. God wants the best for you. God
desires to bless you. It is
important that you maintain faith in God through the turbulent times.
Remember what Jesus said to Peter before he was about to be sifted by
Satan. Jesus told Peter that he would pray for him so that he should keep
his faith during this time of tribulation. Trust in God that He has better
things in store for you. You will heal. You will survive. You will not give
up the fight and lose faith.
This position may be tough to espouse when the offense committed against
you is violent and distressing . Raw emotions as a consequence of the
assault may leave you feeling numb, empty, angry, depressed, exhausted, and
withdrawn. You may feel unbearably vulnerable as your security has been
compromised and fears and doubts may loom in the background clouding your
thinking. Although you may find it difficult to digest forgiving the
person who harmed you, complete healing will only take place upon forgiving
this person. You must trust in God that He and only He knows the hearts of
men and the reasoning why a person has injured you.
Commonly,
we hastily consider an analysis that is based on judging the hearts and
appearances of a person rather than judging the actions of a person. This act greatly displeases God. Taking the above into consideration, it is important to keep in mind the
following:
- Forgiveness is the will of God
- Forgiveness brings about restoration and transformation
Forgiveness is the will of God
Even during the tough times of trials, tribulations, and siftings, God
desires to bless us. These times of suffering encourage spiritual growth and
maturity. Recognizing that God is sovereign and has complete control, you
must humble yourself and submit to His will. This response will help
you refrain from allowing an unforgiving spirit to take root and fester into
bitterness, hate, and discontentment. Allowing an unforgiving spirit to
fester will harm you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. So,
rest in your
Father. A forgiving spirit acknowledges God's sovereign, omnipotent,
omniscient nature and trusts that God will take care of the matter in the
right way and at the right time.
7And shall God not avenge His
own elect who cry out day and night to Him, though He bears long with them?
8 I tell you that He will avenge
them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will He really find
faith on the earth?” (Matthew 18: 7-8)
God's perception far exceeds any perspective that you or I may have. Trying
to trust God completely in times of turmoil is a process that may take
several unwelcome circumstances to erupt in your life before you learn
to respond correctly to moments that are unpredictable and disappointing.
God loves you and has your best interest at heart. God is determined to
mature His children, and will allow both positive and negative circumstances to
achieve this goal. Your goal is to spiritually mature and manifest a
consistent Christ-like persona during both good and bad times. Jesus'
immense love for our Father and his infinite faith in the promises of
our Father impelled him to love unconditionally. This immeasurable love and
faith is demonstrated by his willingness to love, forgive, and bless the
people who persecuted him. In so doing, Jesus humbled himself depending
completely on God.
"But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute
you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes
His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous
and the unrighteous. "For if you love those who love you, what reward do you
have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?" (Matthew 5:44-46)
As a child of God, you should demonstrate your faith and trust in God by
extending mercy and granting forgiveness to those who persecute you
knowing that you do not have full knowledge of circumstances and may not
understand God's perspective. Jesus responded in this manner. The love and
faith of Jesus can be difficult to duplicate in the face of adversity. You
may lose your temper, curse the ones who harmed you, and act out in
inappropriate ways. If you now suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,
you may, at times, lash out uncontrollably due to triggers, flashbacks, or
other manifestation of the illness. However, the good news is that you have
a loving God who understands your affliction, knows your heart, and forgives
you when you confess your sins.
I acknowledged my sin to
You, And my iniquity I have not hidden. I said, “I will confess my
transgressions to the LORD,” And You forgave the iniquity of my sin. (Psalm
32:5) NKJV
The suffering you endure due to your affliction does not give you the
right to inflict harm on the person who has harmed you, or on strangers who
may trigger you reliving the trauma. Likewise, family members and
friends who may be insensitive to your situation, do not want to hear
depressing news, discount or downplay what occurred, and seem to offer
little if any support, should not become an outlet for your anger or source
of resentment. You have no control over how another person is going to
respond or cope when hearing of your misfortune. After all, the people near
and dear to you are often the ones who will witness your depression,
nightmares, flashbacks, and emotional outbursts. As unfortunate as it may
be, your loved ones often relive your trauma over and over again.
Therefore, for the well being of everyone, be quick to forgive.
Otherwise, bitterness and anger will become strongly embedded further
adding to your grief and to the grief of others. Forgiveness like any other process can be lengthy, but in
order to heal you must not give up, work through your anger and fears, allow
yourself time to grieve, and open your
heart to forgiveness. Please understand that forgiving someone in no
way means that you condone their behavior or will tolerate their behavior in
the future. Forgiveness in no way sets you up to be a door mat. God does not
want you or anyone else to suffer by the hands of the one who abused you.
Forgiveness brings freedom and independence from those who have harmed you.
Forgiveness brings about transformation
God desires that we respond with mercy and grace to those people who have
transgressed against us. Again, a forgiving spirit recognizes that forgiveness is a
gift from God. As children of God, we are suppose to take our Father's lead
by displaying mercy and grace. Without granting forgiveness, our relationships
risk irreparable damage. When a tragedy of immense magnitude strikes, our
response can cause suffering in the lives of our spouse, family, and
friends. However, more importantly, our relationship with God is damaged.
Although your relationship with God may not be permanently
damaged, reconciliation with the
person who has harmed you may never occur even after you have forgiven them.
Reconciliation or restoration with this individual may
result in additional harm. Therefore, forgiving the offender and
moving on may be the best and only solution that will foster healing,
establish stability, and encourage positive growth. One assurance given to
you by embracing a forgiving spirit is that your spirit will be transformed,
renewed, and strengthened. Maintain your faith in God and give thanks to God
in all circumstances. As each trial and tribulation is presented
to you, attempt to learn from the experience so that the evil meant to harm
you can be used to develop your spirit and bring you closer to God.
Developing a closer relationship with God and developing the attributes of
Jesus is a great blessing. A blessing that is within your reach and with a
willing spirit is in your control. As you forgive, the turmoil you have
experienced should diminish as you regain your sense of identity and
develop strength in God.
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